Arghhh!

As you can probably tell from the title, I'm a bit pissed off. Actually more than a bit pissed off. And I'm mostly pissed off with myself!
As I've mentioned before, I have these essays that I need to write for uni, and I can't do them!! Before you think that I'm some retard that managed to get into uni but can't write essays, no, I do know how to write an essay, that's not the problem here
The main problem here is that I have complete freedom as to what I write about. And I'm a pretty indecisive person. so this sucks for me. I have started about 3 different essays, gotten into it, and then discarded it as I find something else I'd rather write about. ARGH!! It was bad enough when I had to pick between 3 or 4 essay titles last year, and now I have to come up with the whole damn essay question?! WHY!?!
I was aiming to get it done by the end of tomorrow, wait, I've just realised it's past midnight, so the end of today, and I highly doubt that's going to happen. And this is making me feel like shit.
I don't think I'll get anything done today. *sigh* It's depressing but fuck it. I can't be bothered. Right now. I will obviously get it done soon. Hopefully before I start uni on the 9th :(
Look at what Jazz is doing whilst I attempt to work:

aww, isn't she cute?

Just to add to my annoyance, my uncle has decided he wants to come and stay over today. That's fine with me. But why the fuck do you ask me a million questions a minute?? When am I going to lock the back door? Why isn't my brother eating? Is that water or pee on the floor (it was water, and even if it wasn't it was jazz, not me!)? Who was that on the phone? Shall I turn the lights off? Who was that on the phone- yes, again, because my mum called back again, and I had to explain everything she said!! It's my mum, I think we should be allowed to have a conversation without you having to know about it. Nosey prick! 

So. Anyway. I'm going to bed. And hope that I get some inspiration for my essay. (Highly doubt it, but you can dream- pahaha, that just made me smile. Sleep, dream, get it? no, you're obviously not in the same state of mind as I am. Try attempting to write an essay for 4 hours, failing and then read it, it'll be funny).

And if you want someone funny to watch, go watch Shane Dawson on YouTube. I find him pretty damn funny.

Night all xx

Tis the season to be jolly

Yes, it is Christmas (nearly- but seeing as the shops have been selling Christmas to us since my birthday, back in September, it's close enough for me to say it is Christmas!) and it's nearly the end of the year and it's all very exciting. BUT the main reason why I've been so jolly this week is because I went to see Russell Howard live on Monday. Yup, Russell Howard!! Oh, he was amazing! I don't remember the last time I laughed so much that my mouth went dry and I had an awkward coughing fit! It's been four nights since the gig, and I'm still chortling at the memory of some of his jokes! They were brilliant. I think my boyfriend's favourite was this one:

"Justin Bieber is famous for saying the word Baby more than any other man. He's like an autistic kid in a maternity ward. Baby. Baby. Baby. OOh! He's a collosal cunt!"

You can probably gather that my boyfriend isn't a big JB fan. I don't hate him (Justin Bieber, not my boyfriend...but I don't hate him either...Ok let me just get this straight, I love my boyfriend, and I don't dislike justin bieber). There were so many other jokes that I loved but I can't remember exactly how they went and I don't want to ruin it for anyone that may buy the DVD- BUY IT! It will be worth all your hard earned money!!

His brother took this picture, we are somewhere just to the left of this :(

I also have another reason. My awesome boyfriend got me a kindle for Christmas!! It is the most ingenious thing ever! I've read nearly 2 books since I got it on Tuesday! For all you book worms out there, I highly recommend it. Long gone are the days where I could only take a few books on holiday (and then be really bored on the journey back due to lack of reading material). I can now have loads of books in a tiny little thing!! Thanks Bubba for buying it for me. You are the best :)

So thanks to all the amazing people in my life, I'm pretty happy right now.

But there's always the random shithead of a fucker that messes it up for you..

So I went to see one of my mum's friends in her shop. My mum was lending her some money and I had to drive over to give it to her, so I was doing her a favour really. And I walk into the shop, and she says, no word of a lie,

 "Oh, without your mum here, you seem to be getting fatter". 

In her shop. In tamil. Out loud. In front of other random tamil people. THANKS! You make me feel great. What the fuck did I do for you to have to say that?! And what exactly gave you the right to make me feel like shit. Honey, you're no looker yourself! What did I do? I said:

"What the fuck?! That's a bit uncalled for, so you know what? You can't have the money, you cow! Now get your stupid mug face away from me!"

Ok, that's a bit of a lie, I just smiled at her and didn't comment. I know. I know. I'm ashamed of myself, I should have said something, but it's more effort than it's worth. Tamils are never happy. You're either too fat or too thin. And trust me, I've been on both ends of that scale. Stop judging and fuck off!

Oh, and my insurance is running out, so I'm going to have to say bye bye to my car for a while, which makes me pretty sad. (I say bye bye, but it's just going to be sitting in the drive way, I just won't be able to drive it!) I was driving around yesterday and thinking how much I'm going to miss singing out load (really badly) to the radio! Well, I might pester my parents until they re insure it, or I can get a job. But seeing as how I still haven't gotten around to doing those essays, doubt I'm going to get a job. Damn!

I've just introduced one of my awesome friends, Sara to my crazy blog, so hey Sara, hope you like it :)

Merry Christmas guys (or happy holidays as they say!). Hope you all have an awesome time, whatever you may be up to.
xx

Tamilness

As I mentioned in one of the posts before this, my mum has gone to Norway for the month. What importance does this have to your rant, I hear you ask.
Well, I don't know if it's a tamil thing, or if it's just my family, but as soon as my mum goes away, we get about 3 different people fighting over who feeds us. Sounds pretty nice, huh? It is, but it gets fucking annoying when we have like 10 takeaway containers of tamil food, and then when my brother and I can't finish it, they get offended! I'm sorry, but we can't get through 6 different curries in 2 days!
When I'm at uni, you're lucky if I have a curry once a month, let alone every frigging day! On top of that, my brother has developed some kind of eating disorder (he claims that he hasn't) but he barely eats. Therefore the onus is on me to eat all that food! Argh! And then they have the nerve to say I eat too much! You bloody make me eat it all, or I have to feel guilty. Make your minds up you stupid fart faces!
I feel bad about complaining about them being generous, but we've told them we can't eat all of it, but they just won't stop! Argh!

Right. Now that the petty rant about too much food's out the way, I'd like to rant about something more important. Marriage and divorce. Particularly Tamil marriages, and divorce, or lack thereof.
I'm not even going to discuss tamil relationships here, that's just a whole other rant waiting to happen.
So most tamil parents, (the ones that I know of anyway) are still expecting their children to have an arranged marriage. Notice how I say arranged, not forced? That's because they say we have a choice, they pretend we have a choice, but at the end of the day, there is no fucking choice. Wait, sorry, I lie. The choice is "marry this boy or we'll all have to kill ourselves from the shame". See what I mean? No choice.
They come up with a whole load of bullshit as to why we should marry the "nice"/"good"/"smart" (said in a freshy accent) girl/boy that they've picked for us. For example: "we have your best interests at heart". Right let's just break that down for a second; for me, the ultimate goal in life is to be happy (yes, I'd rather be happy and not that rich, than rich and unhappy), so I'm assuming that you'd know who would make you happy, more than your parents do anyway! If you're tamil, and your relationship with your parents are anything like mine, then you'd agree that you don't tell your parents everything. For example, I like to drink. To the point where people think I'm an alcoholic :/ And I'd want whoever I married to be alright with that (maybe not the alcoholic part, that's bad). But my parents don't know I drink, so they'd find me a freshie who didn't drink, and someone who'd judge me if I did. Now that wouldn't work would it?
So hypothetically if I married this non drinking freshie, and if I was absolutely miserable, what choices would I have? Um, not a lot really. Because if you're a tamil, they think it's better that you're married and miserable than divorced and happy. I'm not joking. I have a cousin who had an arranged marriage to this girl we knew. At first, (and I'm talking the first month or so of their marriage) it all seemed ok, and they were just visiting family in India and Srilanka. But when they came back to England, the shit started to hit the fan (or their foreheads started to fucking dent the walls). Genuinely, I woke up in the middle of the night once, and thought I was in the middle of an earthquake; the not-so-happy couple were banging their heads on adjacent walls in the room next to me, (they used to live with us). The next morning, the girl's forehead looked like frigging Frankensteins. And so it went on.
They have been married for five years now (It's their anniversary today, but I feel that wishing them a happy wedding anniversary would be rubbing salt in a wound: they aren't happy, and probably don't want to be reminded that they're married), and things have not improved. I bet you're thinking, "why don't they get divorced?". In response to that, I'm gonna throw another question back at you, "What would the other tamils think?" Let me just make clear, I don't care what any other tamil thinks of me, I genuinely don't give a flying fuck about what that "Aunty" or this "Uncle" will think. They probably have more shit hidden about their own family that they're not letting on. And then they have the nerve to judge other people. But back to the point, people stay in an unhappy, loveless relationship fearing what people would think of them if they separated. I think we live in a time where people get divorced for a lot less than this, and I'm not saying marriage should be taken so lightly, but I don't think you can afford to stay married at the risk of your happiness. Get divorced, and tell the other tamils to fuck off.

That wasn't that funny but I just need to get that out there. Tamils need to realise that the times are changing and they have to change with it. Or they're just going to get left behind. And before I start getting abuse about how not all tamils are like that: I know. I know that there are some really cool tamil parents that let you go out, have boyfriends and get drunk. But the majority are still stuck in their ways, with no thought of changing, and they're the ones I'm talking about.

xx

I really should do my essay

I've just realised that I've seen 3 films today!! And I'm about to start watching my 4th one! 
Incase anyone's wondering what films I've been watching: Mean Girls 2 (meh, but I liked the guy, I thought he was in something else, I wiki'd him, but couldn't work it out), Horrible Bosses (Laugh out loud funny in some bits) and Darkness Falls (meh, not that scary!) and I'm about to start watching Athur (mainly because I need to get the horror movie out of my head).
I'm doing all this, but have not made any effort to start the two essays that are due in in January. Woops! I'm not going to lie and say that I'll do it tomorrow, I won't! But maybe Saturday. Or Sunday. Or Wednesday...
You guys have anything motivational? Something that will really drive me to do this essay?
Let me know, and I will be eternally grateful!
xx

Why do I do this to myself?

Guess what I've been doing for the past hour or so?


You're probably quite far off the mark so let me tell you...I've been watching a horror movie... on my own...just for the hell of it. Why? Because I'm an adrenaline junkie and I like scaring the shit of myself.
I just finished watching Darkness Falls, a film that I decided to watch after reading about it on a Yahoo answers thing about the scariest horror films ever. I wouldn't particularly say it was the scariest film I've ever watched, but I know I'm going to scare myself (atleast for the next few weeks) when I'm in the dark! :/
I normally try and rope someone else into watching it with me, normally my brother, but today I thought "fuck that, I'm old enough to watch this on my own". I think I managed not to scream (like I normally do) because the film actually wasn't that scary. Also I read this tip to stop being scared somewhere- imagine the camera crew in the scene, it makes it instantly less scary. So true! Thanks to the (imaginary) camera crew, I got through the film with only minor hiding behind my scarf. I'll count that as a victory.
Yes, I will, because when I went to see Insidious with Jan, I literally screamed so much that my throat was sore at the end of the film! It was quite embarrassing because not many people (fine, not any, i.e. no one else) screamed, so I actually heard another cinema goer say "really?". I'm sorry, don't judge me, I just scare easily, ok? On another occasion, I went to see The Haunting in Connecticut, and I knocked over a whole box of popcorn. I am just that smooth!


So, there you go, you've learnt something else about me. I like scaring myself; be it horror movies, roller coasters or just imagining the worst case scenario for every situation, even when there is a perfectly rational explanation (Ok, I just have to tell you about this one time, that Gerry, my boyfriend, kept on calling me whilst I was in a lecture that he knew I was in. I texted him to find out was going on , and he just called me back. So obviously, the only explanation for this was that my crazy ex (whole other story) had tracked down Gerry, had beaten him up, and he was lying there dying (therefore couldn't text) so was just calling me to say his dying words (which was obviously that he loved me!). Turns out he just forgot I was in a lecture! Overactive imagination or what?!)


On a completely irrelevant note, here's a picture of my beautiful dog...sleeping with the phone next to her. She did this twice yesterday...My mum's away in Norway at the moment, and I'm thinking she was just missing mummy's voice!

She's as beautiful as she is dopey, but she's the perfect dog for our household, and she knows it!

xx

Here's what you've been waiting for...

Or not.. This is my first rant/ramble about my life (on this blog anyway, I go off on one of these every so often to those special people in my life- you know who you are!)

I feel like I need to introduce the main culprits who contribute to my pissed off state who appear time and time again (unfortunately) and I'm sure they are likely to feature in a few rants from now on.

First off, there's a whole family. (They're very unlikely to read this, but I'm going to change their names just for my sake, I'd hate to have to explain to my parents why I'm bitching about family!)

• Let's call this male relative Ray. He's basically a big baby. I could leave it at that; that describes him pretty aptly, but I won't. I feel I need to prove why he pisses me off so much:
• Everything he does is always right. Even if it's wrong. For example, we went on holiday together as a family, and we hired a car as it was a pretty small Island (It was Mallorca, incase you're wondering). So, my dad was driving, and I was sitting in the passenger side navigating using a map (An actual paper map! It was um...interesting, but we managed), and Ray sat right at the back, even though he had a fucked up knee. After a couple of short trips, the reason why he refused to drive nor map read was obvious, it was so that he could blame my dad and I when we went wrong! Imagine, a fully grown man with a family, was prepared to blame a 19 year old for taking the wrong turn. So on one of the days, we decided to drive from Alcudia, in the north to Magaluf, somewhere in the South, and we only had a map to guide us. We were fine on the way there, but missed a turning on the way back. So we asked a drunk for directions (I know, I know, not the best idea) and he mumbled something incomprehensibly. So when we get to this roundabout he goes, "it's definitely this exit", labelled Can Picafort. Seeing as I was looking at the map, I said "no I'm pretty sure it's not, it's the next one" and he was so insistent that he was right, so my dad listened to him. Lo and behold, he was wrong. So we went the way I said, and he says "Oh  yeah, I meant this one". I told him he didn't, he tried to shut me up by shouting my name, I shouted his name back at him. He sulked for the rest of the journey. I don't just mean he wasn't talking to me. He wasn't talking to anyone. He blanked my dad! A 40 something year old, blanked his brother in law! What. The. Actual. Fuck? Such a petty little fucker. I feel like I should write a whole entry devoted to just our trip to Mallorca. This Mofo ruined it for us!
• He feels he has to get involved in absolutely everything, and he has an opinion on everything, even if he knows fuck all about the topic. For example, my lovely boyfriend, is Indian, and not tamil. So my uncle gives me a whole lecture on how the Indians, especially the ones from Kerala, caused the civil war in Sri Lanka. DON'T FUCKING BULLSHIT ME!! I'd like to say that I know a fair bit about the war, and never in my entire life, had anyone mentioned the malayalees' role in war, until I mentioned that my boyfriend was one. A coincidence? I fucking think not! I'm not the only one to have been blessed with his oh-so-insightful lectures on being in a relationship with a non-tamil, my poor cousin had to endure it too, but I think she pretty much told him where to stick it (maybe not in so many words, but she made her feelings pretty clear). Jan's so much more braver than I am.
• He whines, moans and complains about everything in life, everything apart from his perfect son, in which case, the sun shines perfectly out of his bottom.
• Ray's Wife: we are going to call her Jane. (They obviously have very long srilankan names by the way). Before I start on why she annoys me, I'd just like to say that she can be really nice as long as her precious son isn't involved, but as soon as her son gets involved, shit like this starts happening:
• She is so overprotective of her son. He is now in year 9, and he still gets walked to the school gates and gets picked up. Every single day. And she doesn't think it's odd when no one else does that! Another boy we know just started in year 7 at the same school, and after a couple of weeks, he managed to get himself to and from school. When we asked Jane about this, she said "But it's fine for him, he only needs to get the bus to get home", which sounds like a fair enough point, until you realise that Jane and her son only live 10 minutes away from the school. Not 10 minutes by car, not 10 minutes by bus. A ten minute walk away from the school!! Surely someone as amazing as her son must be able to walk the 10 minute without trouble, right? apparently not.
• He is apparently the most intelligent boy in their year. But is he really? I doubt it. He has like 3 different tutors, they pay through their noses for them, and they say that he's naturally amazingly clever. Stop lying to yourselves!! Oh and this is what pisses me off the most. I got quite decent GCSEs (not being big headed, because many people did a lot better than I did) and he couldn't even get it into a good secondary school. That's right, he didn't get into ANY secondary school. So the council were forced to give him a place at the local secondary school. Mind you, I don't have a problem with what schools people go to, just don't go around saying that a shit school is better than a private school. It isn't. And it never will be! Anyway getting back to the point, both Ray and Jane think that their little fucked up biscuit is going to do better in his GCSEs than me.. umm I think not, not that it would be fair game if he did, considering the amount of out-of-school help he needs to be an average student! STOP DREAMING AND FUCK OFF! Oh and one more thing, she constantly calls me up when I'm at uni to ask me to help him with his maths or english or whatever it may be. And I have to help immediately, because apparently year 8/9 maths is so much more important than a degree. According to Ray, a degree is also much easier than year 8 maths- ponder that thought for a minute folks. Are you thinking what the fuck? yes? But can we tell them that they are wrong? Hell no! Remember that they rule the world, and you are the mere servants that have been put on the planet to bow down to their every need. 
• She still dresses him, washes him and takes him to the loo. Yes, you read that right, she goes to the loo with him. He's 12. WHAT?!? HOW DOES SHE HELP?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? I'm not condoning this, but some kids get pregnant at 12...why does this 12 year old need help to go to the loo? If someone knows an explanation for this, please let me know, it would blow my mind! Oh and she thinks this is normal.
• And now we get to the prodigy. Some of us refer to him as Blockhead affectionately (due to the sheer size of his head) but I shall call him Little Shit....no I won't, that's mean. For the purpose of this blog, he will be known as Darren.
• He's annoying as fuck. Not in the attention seeking, constantly talking way. He will just sit there and say nothing. For hours. There's a group of us cousins that get on extremely well, and Jane always makes Darren sit with us. And it just makes the conversation fucking awkward, because he'll take everything in and won't say anything. And then he'll go and tell his mum everything. In a really high voice. His voice just goes shrill when he talks to his mum. It's irritating!
• He gets obsessed with certain things, and only talks about that one thing for weeks! I really want him to get tested to see if he has any autistic tendencies. He definitely has some of the characteristics of a child with autism: he is socially awkward, finds if difficult to make friends (he has one, no joke!), memorises trivial things and has to recite them at every given opportunity (I'm not being rude here, I do psychology, and when I researched autism, these characteristics came up, and I couldn't help but think of Darren). One thing that he has been obsessed with are his birthday videos; he has seen every single one countless times. Every time I ask him what he's doing, he's watching one of them. He knows what's going to happen next, and forwards it to the exact time that people appear in the video! what a freak!
• He is a spoilt brat. He has to get everything he wants. Even though his parents complain about being broke, not being able to afford basic necessities, he still gets £200 presents at Christmas (completely ignoring the fact that they aren't Christian, and don't necessarily even need to buy presents). If my brother gets a PS3, he needs to have one. If my brother gets a new phone, he needs a new phone (which he isn't allowed to take out of the house.....amazing use of money right?). As I mentioned before, everything is served on a silver platter to him. And if there's anything we can do to help him, we have to drop everything we're doing, and do it right that instant, otherwise, we're just rude. Obviously(!) 

I think this post has been long enough. Obviously I have people in my life that are absolutely amazing, but these little pieces of shits just ruin it for me sometimes.

Talking of amazing people, Happy Birthday Jan! You are one of my favourite people ever. Probably because you are as un-tamil as I am! 

xx

Three people that brightened up my drive :)

So, I had to go to out today to pick up some food, and on the way there, I saw, not one, not two, but three weird things! Well, three weird people...here goes:
First of all, I saw a woman walking down the road with her whole upper body covered in tinsel,
Further down the same road, I saw a woman roller blading at breakneck speed down the pavement....backwards!! I was driving past wishing that I wasn't driving, so that I could have taken a video of this woman; it was amazing...or maybe I thought it was just because it's something that I'm unable to do. (As a little aside, I should probably mention that I am ridiculously clumsy, very uncoordinated, and a little bit ditsy at the best of times- just ask anyone I know...or don't. The list will be so long, you'd wish you hadn't bothered to ask!)
Ok, so further down this same road, I saw a man dressed up as a bear. And I'm not talking just bear ears or anything, I mean a man in a full bear suit, with the bear head and everything! Just strolling down the road casually, as if he did this everyday! It made my day!
So, to all the people in my life that always say that I'm weird....there are weirder people out there, I saw 3 on the same road! It was absolutely brilliant :)
Well I just thought I'd share that with you- who ever you may be xx

(I want to publish this, but I don't have a name for this....so bloody difficult to come up with a name for stuff..meh)

Hello world...

more like "hello to the one person who's actually reading this" but hey it's a start..
I've been meaning to start a blog to post random topics on for a while, but only now have I decided to actually do something about it, and what better day than today? It's my dad's birthday (Happy birthday Dad!) and I thought it may as well be the birth of my blog (too cheesy? Maybe. Am I going to change it? sorry, no!)
What's going to be on this blog? Well, everything and anything; it will basically be a transcript of the voice inside my head, and before you go away and think, "ah the girl must be schizophrenic", I'm not. Honestly. I'm half way (nearly) through a psychology degree, so I think I'd know by now :)
Well, I'm currently sitting here watching Monte Carlo with the brother...so I'm going to go and watch it, because knowing my luck, I'll miss something important and won't understand the rest of the plot :( And my brother really isn't nice enough to answer my million questions!
Bye for now xx